Plasma Splurge

There are so many words in the English language that have more than one meaning and even more that sound similar to each other. 'Minute' can be both a measurement of time and of size meaning either sixty seconds or something very tiny - like my vocabulary, for example. You could fit all the words I know into a sixty second gap, making it both a minute and minute.

Confused, yet? So is most of the nation, so don't worry. A staggering amount of people get the most every-day words mixed up, well, every day. Of course, there's nothing wrong with that, unless you're a Grammar Nazi. I know a few, myself, and I can't say it hasn't rubbed off on me a bit. I think one of the biggest problems is the use of 'their', 'they're' and 'there'. As in; I hope they're coffees don't get shaken up over their after there moved because of the toxic waste spillage. Admittedly, it took me about 10 minutes to type that last sentence in order to get it wrong. In my head, it's nigh on impossible. Of course, I'm not going to nit-pick. Never had nits, myself, but there's a first time for everything, I suppose. I make enough grammatical errors myself on a day to day basis. You've probably noticed, already, that I, being the speech-style writer that I am, use, far too often, the pause-inducing, highly annoying, list-making comma. It's a weakness, what can I say? I mean, come on. When you're over-zealously trying to make some witty, smart ass comments on a blog read by half the population of your local Lidl you can't help but try to add some class. When I say class, I do, of course, mean parsimony. Having said that, though, I can't say I've ever shopped in Lidl. I'm more of a FarmFoods sort of person.

Which, loosely, brings me onto my second point of the day. Drive. Yes, it's what I meant to talk about but went off on a word tangent. Again. Although, it was loosely related to the topic I was talking about. If you think about it; 'drive' can be either the verb 'to drive' or the noun 'drive' as in, that thing you have in your head. Y'know, the thing that makes you do stuff. Know what I mean? I don't mean your brain, although, technically, that does make you do stuff. Mainly make bad judgement but that's not the point.

We all have different things that motivate us. For some, it's success while, for others, it's failure. Some people may be driven by love or passion and some by money. If you're like me and you're indecisive you may be driven by all of them. Or some of them. No, one... I'll get back to you on that one. Sometimes you think you have none, but really, it's there waiting to bite you on the arse and give you a reality check. A bit like karma. The simple fact is, we all have drive. Whether it's taunting (because that's what it does really, right?) you to do good or even evil, like the Joker to turn Gotham city into Chavam city or whatever, it's there. It might take a bit of self-motivation to find it, but it's there. So keep on trying - like Katie Price. Look where that got her! *sulk*

You'll notice that the image used here has nothing to do with the post. That really isn't my problem.

If you haven't noticed already by the title, I tend to take a lot of things literally. Over-analysis is a key part of my daily life and anyone who knows my wooden brain well enough will have already realised that I can be a bit of a smart-arse. It's all in the way you read it. When thinking of a topic for this inaugural post I was reminded of a conversation, okay a few, that I had not so long ago in which hilarity ensued over the mispronunciation of a word. Maybe it was just a titter, but still. It was that word that inspired me to bash out this here lexis with my hairy sausage hands. Look at the title for a minute. No, I'm not bigging it up to say how clever it is - that's if you've even understood it. I'm not insulting your intelligence, just my inability to leave it at something simple. I could've left it as a one worder, but could I? Could I hell. I'm not going to explain it, however. That would be like appearing on an episode of "The Masked Magician: Unmasked" - just less mysterious. Sit back for a minute and think it through. If you've got it already, great! Get yourself a bag of Doritos and cheesy dip and scoff at those who haven't already. It's a win-win situation for you.

Anyway, I'm rambling. What was I here to babble incessantly about? Oh, of course - getting your Ps and Qs right, and I don't mean swearing. It was just last night that I was reminded of a word that amused me - not because of its meaning - but because of the way it was pronounced to me: 'Amish'. Now, if you are the person who said this to me (I'm not naming any names) and you are reading this, you must remember that it's all in jest. I don't do serious - and that's my fact of the day. The thing about this word, sorry, proper noun, is that it's so incredibly close to the name Hamish which I think may have caused the confusion, and that is how it was said to me. With the 'ham' bit being pronounced as the meat. And who doesn't love ham? But, anyway, I find it incredibly intriguing the way that different people pronounce different words. Who's to say who's right and who's wrong? I've heard the word, sorry, proper noun 'Amish' pronounced as both 'armish' and 'aimish' so who am I to mock?! I don't know the dietary requirements of the Amish people and whether ham would be allowed in their diet or not, but you can't help but wonder! A little bit of research wouldn't have hurt on my part, here, but I'd only have plagiarised half a Wikipedia page and caused some awkward moments in the street when someone confuses me for an expert of Amish culture. I mean, really! Not that there's anything wrong with that. At all.

Another word which tickles me with its proverbial Ken Dodd-style pink tickling stick is 'data'. Is it 'day-tuh' or is it 'dah-tuh' - I know which I prefer, which is usually the opposite to what anyone else says. Just to be awkward. But that's just me. But my all-time favourite word, well it's more or a phrase, has to be 'Heimlich Maneouvre". You've probably come across this one once or twice before, but the example I found was, quite frankly, worrying. Even if slightly accurate, at times. Don't ask me who pronounced it like this, but "Heineken Remover" is probably the most bizarre mispronunciation I've heard to date. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the odd (and I use that word for every other) raging alcoholic has had a can of the good H removed from them with this useful practice by a doctor or else other first-aid qualified person, or probably a fellow drinker, but if it's getting like this, what else might we hear in future?! That well known J.B. Priestly play "An Inspector's Carling" or perhaps the film "Gorillas in the Irish Mist"? Who knows! Technically that last one's not really a pronunciation cock-up, but I love to leave things on a technicality. So I will.