Plasma Splurge

If you haven't noticed already by the title, I tend to take a lot of things literally. Over-analysis is a key part of my daily life and anyone who knows my wooden brain well enough will have already realised that I can be a bit of a smart-arse. It's all in the way you read it. When thinking of a topic for this inaugural post I was reminded of a conversation, okay a few, that I had not so long ago in which hilarity ensued over the mispronunciation of a word. Maybe it was just a titter, but still. It was that word that inspired me to bash out this here lexis with my hairy sausage hands. Look at the title for a minute. No, I'm not bigging it up to say how clever it is - that's if you've even understood it. I'm not insulting your intelligence, just my inability to leave it at something simple. I could've left it as a one worder, but could I? Could I hell. I'm not going to explain it, however. That would be like appearing on an episode of "The Masked Magician: Unmasked" - just less mysterious. Sit back for a minute and think it through. If you've got it already, great! Get yourself a bag of Doritos and cheesy dip and scoff at those who haven't already. It's a win-win situation for you.

Anyway, I'm rambling. What was I here to babble incessantly about? Oh, of course - getting your Ps and Qs right, and I don't mean swearing. It was just last night that I was reminded of a word that amused me - not because of its meaning - but because of the way it was pronounced to me: 'Amish'. Now, if you are the person who said this to me (I'm not naming any names) and you are reading this, you must remember that it's all in jest. I don't do serious - and that's my fact of the day. The thing about this word, sorry, proper noun, is that it's so incredibly close to the name Hamish which I think may have caused the confusion, and that is how it was said to me. With the 'ham' bit being pronounced as the meat. And who doesn't love ham? But, anyway, I find it incredibly intriguing the way that different people pronounce different words. Who's to say who's right and who's wrong? I've heard the word, sorry, proper noun 'Amish' pronounced as both 'armish' and 'aimish' so who am I to mock?! I don't know the dietary requirements of the Amish people and whether ham would be allowed in their diet or not, but you can't help but wonder! A little bit of research wouldn't have hurt on my part, here, but I'd only have plagiarised half a Wikipedia page and caused some awkward moments in the street when someone confuses me for an expert of Amish culture. I mean, really! Not that there's anything wrong with that. At all.

Another word which tickles me with its proverbial Ken Dodd-style pink tickling stick is 'data'. Is it 'day-tuh' or is it 'dah-tuh' - I know which I prefer, which is usually the opposite to what anyone else says. Just to be awkward. But that's just me. But my all-time favourite word, well it's more or a phrase, has to be 'Heimlich Maneouvre". You've probably come across this one once or twice before, but the example I found was, quite frankly, worrying. Even if slightly accurate, at times. Don't ask me who pronounced it like this, but "Heineken Remover" is probably the most bizarre mispronunciation I've heard to date. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the odd (and I use that word for every other) raging alcoholic has had a can of the good H removed from them with this useful practice by a doctor or else other first-aid qualified person, or probably a fellow drinker, but if it's getting like this, what else might we hear in future?! That well known J.B. Priestly play "An Inspector's Carling" or perhaps the film "Gorillas in the Irish Mist"? Who knows! Technically that last one's not really a pronunciation cock-up, but I love to leave things on a technicality. So I will.